who i am in the past doesn't define me today.

i used to be the achiever, done some awesome things that not all people are capable of doing--without breaking a sweat! finished high school without getting in trouble and on top of that, graduated with some awards. also have this awesome guy who is always there for me.

i knew how to make the right decisions and how to fight for them. and among my siblings, i have the highest expectations from my parents.

and i have no vices then.

i've built a reputation that i can achieve anything if i put my full focus on it.

but that was before. now, everything is different.

i always try to push myself to the limit, but for some reason, i seldom get what i was aiming for.

i find myself desperately reaching for things. i now fail some of my classes. i don't get rewards anymore but instead i'm in all kinds of trouble now. i've cheated with my guy with another friend of mine and ended up losing both of them; now i have no one. to make things worse,  my judgement is so clouded that i am always confused!

whenever upset, i find my self drunk. and yes, i am almost always upset lately.

misery is indeed a friend, once you came into contact with it, it'll almost always never leave you.

so what happened to me? from the ideal girl/daughter became this girl full of uncertainties.

that is the thing i am trying to resolve right now. i tried talking to some of my friends about this, and they would never believe me that i am lost with my tracks; maybe i have such a reputation then that it is so hard to renew myself now, which added more pressure on my part.

i want my former self back! i want to be that girl with determination and clear path ahead.

but doing that is a great challenge now since almost all the pieces of the puzzle is almost complete. i have a minimal room for change and error is no longer an option!

i just hope that i still have the chance to correct things and that people will no longer judge me be based on my past but just see me as who i am right now; the girl who's trying her best to get things done. and that people will just accept and not judge me anymore.