i knew how to make the right decisions and how to fight for them. and among my siblings, i have the highest expectations from my parents.
and i have no vices then.
i've built a reputation that i can achieve anything if i put my full focus on it.
but that was before. now, everything is different.
i always try to push myself to the limit, but for some reason, i seldom get what i was aiming for.
i find myself desperately reaching for things. i now fail some of my classes. i don't get rewards anymore but instead i'm in all kinds of trouble now. i've cheated with my guy with another friend of mine and ended up losing both of them; now i have no one. to make things worse, my judgement is so clouded that i am always confused!
whenever upset, i find my self drunk. and yes, i am almost always upset lately.
misery is indeed a friend, once you came into contact with it, it'll almost always never leave you.
so what happened to me? from the ideal girl/daughter became this girl full of uncertainties.
that is the thing i am trying to resolve right now. i tried talking to some of my friends about this, and they would never believe me that i am lost with my tracks; maybe i have such a reputation then that it is so hard to renew myself now, which added more pressure on my part.
i want my former self back! i want to be that girl with determination and clear path ahead.
but doing that is a great challenge now since almost all the pieces of the puzzle is almost complete. i have a minimal room for change and error is no longer an option!
i just hope that i still have the chance to correct things and that people will no longer judge me be based on my past but just see me as who i am right now; the girl who's trying her best to get things done. and that people will just accept and not judge me anymore.
